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If I Hold On

from Not Dead Yet by Rae Spoon

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Not Dead Yet, Mental Health, Rae Spoon With Jesus And His Judgemental Father, bodiesofwater, My Side Of The Mountain with Clyde Petersen, Sad Song Sunday, They, Jump With Your Eyes Closed, and 5 more. , and , .

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about

Mental health during cancer treatment is something I found hard to navigate. After I became very mentally sick, I requested that I be put under for a specific procedure. The oncologist refused to change my treatment, though he could have easily. The next treatment I had a mental break down. I found that I needed to keep moving forward without holding onto previous ideas of who I was to survive. In the future I hope to help advocate for more trauma informed health care for people experiencing cancer.

lyrics

V1: I can’t remember and I can’t forget everything they did.
I begged them to put me under, but they let the nightmare in.
Watch me while I sleep. I don’t trust myself.
Anyone could end up here on this side of hell.

Chorus: If I hold on, If I hold on it’ll tear me in half.
If I hold on, If I hold on it’ll tear me in half.
If you hold on. If you hold on. It'll tear you in half.
If you hold on. If you hold on. It'll tear you in half.

V2: I was in this place before when I was a kid.
There was no one to ask for help, and no one ever did.
Now I have a family. They teach me how to live.
They’ll watch me while I sleep tonight. Like no one ever did.
Pre-Chorus: Laying on the floor. Who am I singing for?
Laying on the floor. Who am I singing for?

Chorus

Conc: Laying on the floor. Who am I singing for?

credits

from Not Dead Yet, released November 8, 2023
Rae Spoon - Vocals, Synths, Drum Programming, Guitar
Laurie Anne Torres - Synths
Sarah Rossy - Vocals, Vocal Arrangements, Piano
Sorrel Mommi - Violin

Cover Photo by Wynne Neilly

All Songs Written and Produced by Rae Spoon©2023 SOCAN
Bass, Synths, Keys, Vocals, Guitars recorded by Rae Spoon at Biome Studio
Vocals and Rhodes at Chex Ballsy recorded by Isabelle Banos in Montreal
Harp, Violin, Guitar and Vocals recorded by Grace Chiang at Echoplant in Vancouver
Piano, Vocals, Guitar and Organ recorded by Ky Brooke at Hotel 2 Tango in Montreal
Mixed by Branwen Munn
Mastered at CPS Mastering by Elisa Pangsaeng

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Rae Spoon

Rae Spoon is a musician, songwriter, producer, multi-instrumentalist, and author. Rae has been nominated for two Polaris Music Prizes, a Lambda Literary Award, and a Western Canadian Music Award. They have toured internationally (Canada, Europe, the USA, Australia, China). Rae is a non-binary, trans artist who lives with multiple disabilities. ... more

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