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ICU

from Not Dead Yet by Rae Spoon

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about

I’ve experienced a dichotomy between being at peace with the possibility of dying and struggling with every fiber of my being to stay alive. This song attempts to express holding both truths at once.

I have been to ICU units three times so far. When I was alone, I felt able to let go of my life. When I saw the people that I love, I became frantic to stay and spend as much time with them as I could.

lyrics

V1: It’s easier to hold when I’m alone.
I pack my bones and sing them home.
I can hear the rattles, the whispers and the moans
of that new road. I might have to go.

Chorus: Then I see you and I turn back into an animal.
I’d do anything to stay. I’d fight l and scratch and claw.
You can’t come with me, and you don’t know what to say.
I promise I won’t haunt you Especially if I stay.

V2: The trees say when I fall, I won’t go to waste.
I can lay right there. I will have a place.
And the kids are alright but don’t make them live my life.
There are better ways Let them pick their lives and names.

Chorus

credits

from Not Dead Yet, released November 8, 2023
Rae Spoon - Vocals, Synths, Drum Programming, Guitar
Laurie Anne Torres- Synths
Evelyn Charlotte Joe - Bass Synth, Bass Arrangement
Sarah Rossy - Vocals, Vocal Arrangements, Piano
Sorrel Mommi - Violin
Gem Hall - Harp
Betta Lemme - Piano

Cover Photo by Wynne Neilly

All Songs Written and Produced by Rae Spoon©2023 SOCAN
Bass, Synths, Keys, Vocals, Guitars recorded by Rae Spoon at Biome Studio
Vocals and Rhodes at Chex Ballsy recorded by Isabelle Banos in Montreal
Harp, Violin, Guitar and Vocals recorded by Grace Chiang at Echoplant in Vancouver
Piano, Vocals, Guitar and Organ recorded by Ky Brooke at Hotel 2 Tango in Montreal
Mixed by Branwen Munn
Mastered at CPS Mastering by Elisa Pangsaeng

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Rae Spoon

Rae Spoon is a musician, songwriter, producer, multi-instrumentalist, and author. Rae has been nominated for two Polaris Music Prizes, a Lambda Literary Award, and a Western Canadian Music Award. They have toured internationally (Canada, Europe, the USA, Australia, China). Rae is a non-binary, trans artist who lives with multiple disabilities. ... more

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